i'm home today!

i worked the last 7 days in a row ending with a 11 hour shift last night. i'm home today.
i slept in until 11:00
i was awakened by a happy chi and a beautiful woman.(2 out of three roomates).
i didn't here jason go to work

i'm home today with nothing better to do than work on stuff for fun.
i started a really cool greenman on a wooden box book yesterday at work. he is now burned and has some color. i am really excited to feel creative again  

listening to a really cool group i found on myspace.  http://www.myspace.com/harptallica

Current Mood: happy

my sister has started a blog. 


through it  i have access to so many other lives. my sister's, my sister-in-law's, my neice, and all the people who participate on that forum. it  is crazy how much technology has acted to keep us seperate but together.

i won't pick up the phone and talk to you, but i will comment on your blog... i am not sure what kind of message that sends.
 
well it really doesn't matter. i find it a safe kind of voyuerism, specifically with marren. i don't know marren well. i didn't have the visit opportunities with dennis's family like i did with amy's. a fact, sad but true. now she has a blog too.  it was wonderful and eye opening to read her posts. she has a funny, sarcastic style that appeals to me.   keep up the good work, maren

so, my sister has started a blog. 

i love the way she expresses her self. i always have. i have letters saved from when she would write to me at college. those letters have been a great mood elevator for me over the years for many different reasons. one reason, the fact that after how crappy i was to her when we were young and both still at home, she wanted to be my friend. i wasn't a good friend to her when she was little. 
the fact that the "psycho bit bull" stories she would right in her letters were just gruesome and funny all at once and she could write that stuff but the fact that agustus gloop was sucked up a chocolate tube completely freaked her out, always made (and still does) me laugh until i might pee myself.  her sense of humor is wicked.

i recently got to spend some time with amy and her family out in lamoille. i got to hang out with her and her friends. what a crazy bunch of women. it was eye opening to some extent to be around grown ups... i don't know if i can explain that.
it was wild being thrown into the midst of what i can only describe as a locker room session but with women. it was crazy and hilarious and i envy amy for her friends. i don't think i have ever had anything like that. i don't even know if i am capable of cultivating friendships like those.  
i am way to shy, which would suprise most people who don't know me well.  i have no secrets but more secrets than i know. i live my life like an open book but really it is all a facade. i keep my cards close to the chest and am really just discovering how close that is.

anyway, its nice to have another avenue of communication open with my family where i can choose to participate.

Current Mood: contemplative

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

Current Mood: good

i personally am a peep-a-phobe. i hate peeps and think they are an abomination to real food stuffs of every kind. they should be classified as a weapon of mass destruction just for the sugar content. they are vile and shouldn't be aloud

Current Mood: awake

Cake - Friend Is A Four Letter Word Lyrics
To me,
Coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word
End is the only part of the word
That I heard,
Call me morbid or absurd,
ButTo me,Coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word

To me,
Coming from you,
Friend is a four letter
word
End is the only part of the word
That I heard,
Call me morbid or absurd,
But To me,
Coming from you,Friend is a four letter word

When I go fishing
for the words
I am wishing
you would say to me,
I am really only praying that
The words you'll soon be saying
Might betray
The way you feel about me
But to me,
Coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word

Current Mood: blah

just a poem from my favorite poet.



Sappho's Hymn to Aphrodite
Translation, notes and metrical explanation copyright 1997 Elizabeth Vandiver; all rights reserved.

Iridescent-throned Aphrodite, deathless
Child of Zeus, wile-weaver, I now implore you,
Don't--I beg you, Lady--with pains and torments
Crush down my spirit,

But before if ever you've heard my pleadings
Then return, as once when you left your father's
Golden house; you yoked to your shining car your
Wing-whirring sparrows;

Skimming down the paths of the sky's bright ether
On they brought you over the earth's black bosom,
Swiftly--then you stood with a sudden brilliance,
Goddess, before me;

Deathless face alight with your smile, you asked me
What I suffered, who was my cause of anguish,
What would ease the pain of my frantic mind, and
Why had I called you

To my side: "And whom should Persuasion summon
Here, to soothe the sting of your passion this time?
Who is now abusing you, Sappho? Who is
Treating you cruelly?

Now she runs away, but she'll soon pursue you;
Gifts she now rejects--soon enough she'll give them;
Now she doesn't love you, but soon her heart will
Burn, though unwilling."

Come to me once more, and abate my torment;
Take the bitter care from my mind, and give me
All I long for; Lady, in all my battles
Fight as my comrade.

because i feel for the first time that this song is really really there. i find i understand and its me and you and i do see and feel the heat i see in your eyes. you are... there are no words.
i love you holly and thank you peter gabriel for these amazing lyrics.

In Your Eyes

love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes

Current Mood: happy

my idea of a hero is someone who gets up every day and goes about living life, really living life. someone who is willing to speak his
or her mind, someone who will cry out against injustice, someone who
will take the blame when they have made a mistake, someone who tries
to walk the path of being a true human being. that is a hero to me
and i think really that only you, your own personal self can truly
know. but usually heroes are clueless of themselves. they are the
real good guys who give the shirts off of thier backs, work jobs to
support families, keep thier word and have honor.

Current Mood: awake

i sent this in an email to toni. i am done

The Letting Go


I came here to let you know
The letting go
Has taken place
I have held the winter's sun
Become one
Set my pace
Isn't that what we wanted all along
Freedom like a stone
Maybe we were wrong
But I can say goodbye
Now that the passion's died
Still it comes so slow
The letting go

Piece by piece I take apart
This complicated heart
And I hope to find
Something I can prove is real
I can feel is truth
I can say is mine
That's all I ever wanted to be
The closer I got
The further I could see
But when lovers change
And the night feels strange
We choose our road
The letting go

I came here to let you know
The letting go
Has taken place

Current Mood: sad

i didn't give it all up in the moment. i have been guilty of promising the moon when i am caught up in the moment. i didn't do that. i was honest, i am what i am, i won't be anything but true to myself, i have been unhappy for far to long and looking at life from the outside. i feel like i have recently opened the door on a new life. its not all pretty, i wouldn't trust it if it were to pretty, life isn't pretty or easy but its exciting. i am finding excitement.

i have been thinking about my past. growing up. i don't think i paid much attention to things. all kinds of things. i don't have memories. i was recently asked what the best yule present i ever got was. i have no idea... i try to remember what i got just last year and i don't know let alone years ago. and also, christmas or the holidays don't really mean much to me. they are just other days. maybe i just don't believe in a "special" day because just the fact that i wake up and am breathing makes a day special. alright that is true but i am really quite fond of my birthday and now i do remember what i got last year, my djembe. and i think that it is one of the most memorable gifts i have ever recieved. i can remember gifts i have given, lots of them. i love giving gifts...

back to the moment, i need to live in the moment more. just be "here". not thinking about the what if's, or what happens when. i just need to be here, now.

now...